Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
