i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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