I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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