AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I did not marry a roomba.
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