Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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