We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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