My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
