Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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