I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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