its not stalking. its research.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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