I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
