Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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