So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
