Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
