If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
