I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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