I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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