i dedicated my morning wood to you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
