How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
