Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
