Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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