OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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