i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
