I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you never un-have a 4some
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
