and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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