dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
