hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
