I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
