I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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