True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
