How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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