I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
