i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
