matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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