She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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