tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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