I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
