Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
