I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
