why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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