Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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