Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
