wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
