I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
