she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
