i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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