i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
