I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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