dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
