Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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