She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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