So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
