You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
