I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
