dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
