and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
