What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
