I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
